A very hard post to post!

Well as I have been talking about I wanted to write a post about what has been going on with me this year. This is going to be a very long post and not very happy, I feel like I have a place to really express myself and that other bloggers are like my friends. I wish I could meet up with a few of you because I really look up to y'all!

Ok down to the nitty-gritty. I officially resigned from my district on Monday. I have grown up in this district and was so excited when I started to work for them three years ago. I worked at the same school as a special education teacher for two years, I thought when the opportunity came up at the end of last year to transfer to a school closer to my house I jumped at the chance to switch and move into 2nd grade. However from the day that I went over to the school to talk with the principal about me transferring, I was excited about it but I could tell that she was not excited about me moving over. In all seriousness this is what she told me before I left, "The only reason that I am agreeing to this transfer is because I want to give *** (the other teacher) the opportunity to be closer to home. However I have a lot of concerns and reservations about you coming here" SERIOUSLY!!!! WTH! So that was the first sour taste of this lady in my mouth! Then during the summer she contacted me about going to different workshops because she didn't trust my ability to teach the materials, granted at this time I was placed in a 3rd grade classroom and she was worried about the STAAR Test that year. I understand that she was worried about the scores since 3rd grade is the first time but in some of the emails that she CC'd me on she was very negative about my skills and was stressing that I needed all the help that I could get! GRR just typing this gets me upset all over again.

Fast forward to the school year starting, she is never pleasant towards me and gave me a hard time from the beginning, my team whom I though was all on my side was actually throwing me under the bus to her (not all of them but the one that counted) it was very hard to hear some of the things that were said about me. I was also getting a lot of grief from my parents, and the principal would never back me up I would automatically be in trouble for things that 7/8 year olds were telling their parents without even fact checking with me. So when I would ask the students about the incidents they were not accusing me of anything!! GRRR!!!

Moving on in my story, my observation comes around and she comes in and I thought that my lesson wasn't all that stellar but that I would get by and be proficient like I had been the past TWO YEARS!!!! OH NO!!! Apparently I am a horrible teacher who sucks a$$ at my job and who apparently doesn't have a clue about what I am doing! I get in trouble for every little thing that she didn't like however lets slide with other teachers, I had a few students separated from the group because of their behavior and I get in trouble for segregating them from the class, not once were they ever excluded from the lesson or from any group activities!!! So after she writes is all up and puts every negative comment possible in my PDAS, I go in for my conference and get put on a TINA (Teacher in Need of Assistance) for a month. While being put through the ringer and jumping through all sorts of hoops and having to do extra extra work, I still don't meet her "expectations" which by the way she doesn't expect from the other staff on campus!!! So after the month of my TINA she walks down to my room on a Friday at 3:30 right before I am leaving for the weekend, she sits me down with our AP (Whom I have know since I was 8) and she says, "This is hard for me to say, but I am recommending that your probationary contract not be renewed with the district." My response is WTH!!! My body was numb and I literally had not words!!! What kind of person tells someone that they are no longer going to be employed with the district on a Friday??!?!!!? So I had the whole weekend to think it over and wonder why would I give a damn about her or where I worked for the next month. However I couldn't just stop teaching my students, I also couldn't give up on them and just send them to 3rd grade like that. It wasn't their fault and it wasn't fair to the 3rd grade teachers. So I thought about it for the next few weeks and decided to formally put in my letter of resignation.

Monday I turned in my letter, on Tuesday I received an email saying that my Summative was ready to be signed. I opened the Summative and you would NOT believe what I saw!!! ALL PROFICIENT AND 5 EXCEEDS!!! ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!!!!!!! So I am not a good enough teacher to keep my job with the district (or at your school) yet I am good enough to move my evaluation up from bellow to proficient and exceeds!!! Again WTH!!!! So now I am back in the LARGE pool of other teachers waiting to get another job!! I hate this feeling of not knowing anything!!! The only good thing is that the daycare where my son goes has offered me a part time job this summer and then if I don't get a teaching job for next year I will be their Pre-K teacher. At least its a job, although I will be making nothing compared to what I was making as a teacher it will still help me!!

I don't know what else to put on here but this is about how crappy my year has been at this school that I was super excited about working at! The good news is that I realized that I really missed being a Special Education teacher and that I really want to get back into it so that is all I have been applying for, so if you live in the San Antonio area and know of any openings at schools around you let me know and I'll make sure that my application is in for that district!

Thank you for keeping me in your thoughts a prayers in this time of need for my family!